Every man has his breaking point, and mine is the DP motion, aka the D-pad input used to perform Ken’s Shoryuken uppercut in Street Fighter, and moves like it in other fighting games. I’ve never been able to perform it consistently. It’s one of many moderately fiddly moves – written down for posterity in a small tear-stained journal I keep sorrowfully beneath my pillow – which have walled me out of enjoying fighting games, much as I love thinking about them.
That wall grows ever higher as I age and my digits turn to dust and my dreams of launching Ryu like a sack of potatoes fade into the twilight. Still, at least I can still play and have fun with shooters, right? All you have to do in shooters is press a button once to make stuff go boom. Wait, Nightmare Operator, what are you doing? Nightmare Operator, no!