Well, they’re actually sort of real. As many companies have done over the years, the Overwatch team at Blizzard has decided to kick off April Fools Day a bit early with their “very serious” patch notes. They contain a handful of jokes and absurd changes, but it turns out that these changes will be applied to Arcade Mode.
The notes start by saying that every character will get new callouts for their ultimate to balance the playing field for new players who don’t have the callouts memorized. Also good for new players is the change where you get to keep 50% of Ultimate charge after switching characters. It only gets wackier from there.
On top of those sweeping changes, the patch notes have new passives for each role. Tanks gain Ultimate charge 10% faster and anyone who lands the final blow on a tank gets a large amount of Ultimate charge.
The passive for damage is 50 health on elimination. The dev comment is the best part of this note:
“It’s frustrating when you dive the backline by yourself and get no healing, especially when your team’s support heroes are busy respawning. This change should help keep you alive, at least.”
Supports are not forgotten with a 30% movement speed buff for four seconds when they’re at low health. The dev comment talks about using this to help supports evade flankers, but they also jokingly warn players to not use the buff offensively.
With the overall and role-specific notes out of the way, it’s time to get to the individual character changes.
Doomfist
Seismic Slam
Can be empowered by Power Block
Damage increased from 50 to 75 when empowered
Enemies hit by the shockwave are launched into the air
D.Va
Defense Matrix
After deflecting a projectile, Defense Matrix deals 30 damage to enemies within its area of effect over 1 second
Defense Matrix killing blows grant an additional 5% Ult Charge
Junker Queen
Commanding Shout
Applies a bleed to enemies in range when activated
Orisa
Javelin Spin
While in the air, Javelin Spin pulls Orisa forward in her facing direction
Fortify
Increases falling speed and deals damage in an area when Orisa lands on the ground
Ramattra
Omnic Form Disabled
Ramatta is now always in Nemesis Form
Bonus armor decreased from 225 to 125
Void Barrier
Move to ability 1
Block
Now has a 1 second cooldown when disengaged
Reinhardt
Charge
Now grants flight. Hold Jump to float up and Crouch to go down
Steering increased by 33%
Roadhog
Chain Hook
Range increased by 50%
Sigma
Accretion
Enemies hit by the impact are knocked back and experience low gravity for 4 seconds
Cooldown decreased from 10 to 8 seconds
Winston
Winston?
Winston!
Wrecking Ball
Grappling Claw
Maximum speed is temporarily increased when bouncing off walls
Minefield
Mines slowly move toward nearby enemies
Zarya
Graviton Surge
Moves towards Zarya after deploying
Particle Cannon
Self-knockback on secondary fire scales with Energy level.
Ashe
Dynamite
Fire spreads to nearby enemies up to 4 times
Bastion
Configuration: Assault
While active, Tactical Grenade has a 0.5 second cooldown
Cassidy
Combat Roll
Now costs regenerating stamina instead of having a cooldown
Dodge all damage when Combat Roll is active
Ammo reloaded decreased from 6 to 2
Echo
Tri Shot
Now fires 2 additional projectiles
Damage per projectile decreased from 17 to 12
Genji
Sometimes Genji heals himself when requesting healing
Hanzo
Storm Arrow
Storm arrows ricochet toward the Sonic Arrow
Junkrat
Total Mayhem
Drop grenades when launching yourself with Concussion Mine
Mei
Ice Wall
Spawns more pillars and has slightly different configurations
Pharah
Rocket Launcher
Rockets deal no self-damage and have increased knockback
Barrage
Pharah can be knocked back while Barrage is active
Barrage rockets now have self-knockback
Hover Jets
Fuel decreased by 33%
Reaper
Shadow Step
Movement is no longer locked after confirming a teleport location
Sojourn
Power Slide
Now impacts enemies dealing 75 damage, launching them upward, and knocking them down for 1.5 seconds
Soldier: 76
Biotic Field
Now attached to Soldier: 76 when activated
Sombra
Translocator
Now deals 120 damage in an area at the teleport destination
Projectile speed increased from 25 to 40
Cooldown decreased from 10 seconds to 6 seconds
Torbjorn
Overload
Now also causes Rivet Gun and Forge Hammer to ignite enemies, dealing 30 additional damage over time
Tracer
Recall
Pulls in nearby enemies when activated
Pulse Bomb
Arming time increased from 1 second to 2 seconds
Widowmaker
Widow’s Kiss
Critical hits deal their damage over 3 seconds as poison
Widowmaker can see poisoned enemies through walls
Ana
Biotic Rifle
Can now headshot enemies
Baptiste
Exo Boots
Jumping with Exo Boots has more horizontal distance, scaling with the charge amount
Hold Jump after using Exo Boots to keep bouncing
Brigitte
Whip Shot
Brigitte is pulled towards the flail head
Kiriko
Swift Step
Range increased from 35 to 350m
Cooldown now scales with distance traveled
Lucio
Soundwave
Now deflects projectiles
Cooldown decreased from 4 to 3 seconds
Mercy
Caduceus Blaster
Ammo increased from 25 to 125
Projectile speed increased from 50 to 125
Moira
Biotic Orb
Pressing the ability input while Biotic Orbs are active causes them to stop or start moving
Zenyatta
Snap Kick
Launches Zenyatta in his facing direction when used in the air
Sadly (or fortunately), these changes will only be active in Arcade Mode for a limited time. Since this is an April Fools joke, don’t expect these changes to stick around for too long. Don’t forget to jump on this weekend for some April Fools Day fun.